i loved you with a fire in red,
now its turning blue

i don't know why but while talking to you just now... i suddenly had this extreme heartache. my eyes filled with tears. and it just seemed so painful talking to you. nothing in particular has happened, but maybe... all the things that have happened have just suddenly become so overwhelming. maybe i can't push them aside anymore, or pretend that i don't know anything anymore. maybe i can't deceive myself anymore. someone asked me before if im living in denial. i said no. but honestly speaking, that's a lie. i just can't admit it. im holding on to the past because i can't let go, but you and i both know that it'll never go back to what it used to be.