its 5am but i just can't bring myself to go and sleep. the night didn't end so fantastically well... i don't know how it ended up being this way. perhaps it was my fault... i don't know really. provocation, some accident, glass broken, tempers flaring... maybe it just led me to losing it. left me shaking... maybe it sent me over the edge. left me totally confused, and just shocked. when you don't stand up for yourself, you're in the wrong, but when you do, it seems wrong too. and then you're left wondering what the fuck just happened.

the past few days have just made my mind go crazy, made me totally lost, and sometimes you're just left standing there... alone.

you go away for a week, and everything seems fine, but when you're back, it seems the world has left you behind. and everything changes. and you question what you believe in, maybe what you knew isn't what it seems anymore or maybe you're just stuck in the past?

all you want is the truth... but sometimes that fine thin line becomes all blurry and you don't really know what's worth it anymore. disillusioned?

sunday will be another goodbye... and i am honestly really not looking forward to leaving again. it feels like i have to drag myself to work. i haven't felt this tired before... do you ever reach a junction in your life where you wonder which direction you should take and when did life become so complicated? is it really that difficult just to be happy? when all you ask for isn't much... what can you really hold on to and when do you have to let go.

the 2 chinese songs on my iTunes that have constantly been on repeat, they never fail to make you just want to curl up in a ball and cry yourself to sleep have always been 我真的受伤了- 张学友 & 王菀之 and 祝我生日快乐 - 温岚.

who can you really trust... when your world slowly starts crashing down on you, where can you run to? or do you stay and hope that everything will piece itself back together again.

perhaps i've never been left so shaken, hence the frayed nerves and the overpouring of emotions.

and you hope, that perhaps, just perhaps, everything would just back to normal again. i miss that feeling.

i'm still here. always have been... are you?

窗外阴天了
音乐低声了
我的心开始想你了
灯光也暗了
音乐低声了
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外阴天了
人是无聊了
我的心开始想你了
电话响起了
你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了
是你变了

灯光熄灭了
音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了
人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了