return to me what others stole...

and i honestly don't know what to say. the things i feel. the things i hide inside. those tears i cry. every single one of them... means something. if you looked into my eyes, would you be able to see the pain i feel inside? how much does it take to break a person? how much can one take before you just lose it all over again? i left that all behind a long time ago, but yet it seems like i can't run away from it. it seems my life will forever be the same, some things can never change, no matter how hard i try.

i wish i didn't have to feel this way. but i can't help myself. i wish that i could change things, but i can't. and i'm trying so hard to control myself. but sometimes i pause, just for a moment, and it all comes rushing back, and this heaviness just brings me down, and the tears just fall randomly.

if you see me smiling, its not real.

i know what you said. and i know how hard you try. but i can't help but feel this way. and i hope you understand. because this pain... nothing can change that. no matter how many times you wipe away the tears... how tight you hold my hand... how often you say you'll be there. this is just the way i feel. and there's only so much one can do.

if only. if only everything will be alright.