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[dob:23/06][blackrose][#17]
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tingshan © <33
Sunday, May 28, 2006
12:28 am

tomorrow is the last day of the Asian Law Students Association Conference 2006. it has been a fairly enlightening experience i must say.

feeling a sudden sense of rage, of betrayal. trying to not let everything get to me. trying so hard to ignore all the questions, the doubts, the lies, the bullshit. trying to forget all the bad times. trying to believe that everything you've ever said was true.

because i'm losing it. all this anger, this pain, this frustration. its just building up inside. i will never be content till the day you get back when you've done.

have you forgotten what you said in the beginning? that you wanted commitment. stability. a long-term relationship. a serious one. and that's the only reason i gave this my all. and i guess that was a mistake. because men are good at lying and making promises, and women are good at believing all those lies, no matter how many times men break their promises. i really thought you meant it. given your past and your current situation, i actually thought you were serious. and i was so happy, because i thought, finally someone who wants the same thing in a relationship as i do. because after ben, i honestly didn't want to get my heart broken again. and i would have never gotten into this relationship with you if you had never promised me those things. i suppose i was blind.

its been more than a year since i've been discharged from CGH, more than a year since i took those pills, more than a year since i've lost hope in the word l-o-v-e. and here i am, back at square one. one year down, and here i am again, feeling the same way again. its amazing how time flies, and how some things can change so drastically, and yet some things can remain completely the same.

i don't what everything is now. to use your current favourite word - "uncertain".

sometimes i wonder how many lies a person can tell before their web of entangled lies come crumbling down.

term tests on the 6th and 7th. then i'll be on 2 weeks term break from 10th to 25th june. i shall find something to occupy my time besides work i suppose.

i really just wish i could hate you right now.



;i am afraid