you have no conscience. nor remorse.
a compulsive habitual liar who will never change his ways.
you would make a good con-salesman really.

seriously. when all the facts just point that you're lying, you can still lie somemore. let's take one example, when i knew you withdrew money at heeren, you could still lie and say no you didn't go to town. and then when i pushed you further, you finally said oh someone took your card. which is quite a fucked up lie really. and then finally you admitted to going to town, but just to withdraw money for five minutes and then you left. like seriously, omg you're like fucking caught already just fucking admit to it.

i haven't eaten the whole day. i'm sitting in the dark. i spent the past hour lying on my bed crying my eyes out. like i don't feel like shit enough already.

last night when i went to shower and i didn't answer your calls for just a few minutes, you blew up at me.

but how about you? you disappeared the whole day yesterday, no where to found. and then today you've disappeared as well. refusing to answer calls or reply messages. how dare you. how dare you give me your fucking double standards.

whatever you can do, i can't. you're always right and i'm always wrong.

i guess it was too much for me to expect, just to have you bring me soup or porridge or to see if i was alright. even a simple call would suffice.

oh but of course i get the usual 'oh i'm sorry dear about last night' message this morning. the same message i get everytime the morning after you've done blowing up at me. you get angry at me for no reason, you fucking blow me off, you hurl vulgarities at me and you hang up my calls and refuse to reply my messages. you switch off your phone and you go to sleep. and then you wake up the next morning, pretending nothing happened the night before. you didn't blow up at me for no reason at all. the same old same old.

i guess it was stupid of me to believe that things would change. i guess it was even more stupid of me to actually believe you and your promises. things like i'll never do it again, i won't hang up your calls, i won't get angry at you for no reason at all, i won't just disappear without a trace. promises which you've broken over and over and over again. only to have me stupidly believe them again. i guess it is my own fault.

because i love you and i actually believe you love me. and i never thought someone could do such things to someone they claim they love.

everytime you're sick, i bring medicine to you. i still remember the time i was at home and i had work to do. i specially went down to your place. i bought you porridge and i brought you medicine. i passed it to you and then i left. or the other time when my friend was at my house. but you wanted me to come. so i left her alone at my place and cabbed to meet you.

its good to know that you're out in town now. having fun and enjoying yourself. while i'm sick to death. you couldn't even be bothered to let me know that you're not going to find me. oh and don't bother trying to lie about being in town, because i know these things.

you take advantage of the fact that i will willingly do anything for you. that i would just give up everything for you. but to expect you to do the same would be asking too much. you expect me to do everything for you, but you wouldn't even lift a finger for me. you want this relationship to be perfect, but without having to put in any effort at all. well sorry to burst your bubble but it takes two hands to clap.

you say i'm possessive, but i'm only like that because of the lies you've told me. how am i supposed to trust you if you keep lying to me time after time. everytime i want to believe you again, i'm devastated to find out it was just another lie. you're just as possessive as i am, or even worse. i don't show up when you're out with your friends just to check who you're out with and then leave and then still message things like 'i don't believe you're with them. you're with guys right.' and then say things like 'okay fine i'm going supper with other girls don't regret it.' i don't blow up at you when you disppear for a few minutes to shower, in fact i actually put up with the fact that you can disappear for the whole day. so before you come and say that i'm possessive, look at yourself and see what you're doing to me. i was never a possessive girlfriend, i could be far far worse. but because everything i hear are just lies and lies, i honestly don't know what to believe anymore. i just want to trust you and believe what you say, but when i do, i get my heart broken again because it was just another lie.

everyone's been telling me the same thing. but i don't know.

i foolishly hold on to the fact that things will change, that tomorrow will be a better day. i wait and i wait, thinking he will call, he will message, he will come.

i love you and i can't let go.

beautiful letdown.