Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if its just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

today. is a happier day. i think.

spending today. with you. made me really happy. i've missed you. we've been apart for so long. lately its just been so down and all. i've been so confused, so lost. at times, i felt like it was just the end of the world, there was no way i could just walk away, no way i could just let go. i've given us my all, and to walk away would be losing everything i've ever known. seeing you today, made my happy. really happy. it made me believe again. it made me realise that for me, its worth it, no matter whether we go through those ups or downs, whether there are tears, because to me, all those precious moments i spend with you, no matter how short, mean everything to me.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.

i just got my period, maybe that explains my mood swings and my depressed state lately. i spent three hours crying on the phone with my darling ctbah on sunday. well basically cause i watched the ending of wicker park like 5 times? i just played that same scene over and over again. the scene at the airport. when he searches for her. the love of his life. the girl he's been loving for so long. the girl he never forgot. his face... that look of immense pain... searching for her... hoping that she would still be there... wondering how you would ever forgive yourself if you lost her again... and you keep searching and searching. you're oblivious to the crowd around you. the hustle and bustle. all that matters is finding her. finding the girl you let go. the girl you were stupid enough to let go. the girl you've been searching for years. you just know that this time around you can't lose her again. cause if you do, you'll never forgive yourself. never ever. losing her would be losing one part of you... all these years your heart has had this hole... incomplete... cause of her...

that scene. with Coldplay's The Scientist in the background. is so intense. no words spoken. but just that look on his face, could break your heart. i played it like over and over and over again. it made me depressed. and then i started thinking about things... and one thing led to another. and i became hysterical. thank you my darling ctbahhh for listening to me sob my heart out. *loveee.

its been five months my love. there has been times when either one of us wanted to give up, there has been times where we scream at each other, we shout, we quarrel, we say horrible things. but at the end of it all. its still us. and i still love you. always.

its term break week. lots of work to be done. family law. world issues. this and that. and i can't remember what. times passes so quickly. 4 days left of 2005. its been an interesting year. but i think i'll write about it another time. 2006 should be interesting too i think. hopefully in a good way.

last night and early this morning, i listened to someone cry her heart out. hearing her scream, and just sob all that pain out, was agonizing. it felt like i was listening to myself that sunday night. i wanted to say something comforting, to tell her everything would be alright. to tell her that she would get over him, that things would turn out right, that time heals all wounds. that she should pick up the pieces and move on, to cheer up, and that it's not the end of the world. that life goes on, and she shouldn't ruin her life cause of one guy. but i couldn't. because i would just be a hypocrite. because i know what it feels like to be in that position. i've been through it. and its easier said than done. so i didn't say it. i tried to listen, tried to be there. i hope i did. girl, if you read this, i hope that somehow, in some way or another, you're feeling better now. cry as much as you need, there's nothing wrong with that. it won't be easy. but slowly, and surely. you'll try. and you'll be fine. :)))) *hearts!

nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard

i know i have photos from the back to school party and xmas eve to upload and post. but i'm too lazy. so here's just one photo from today. (i look really tired right!!! i need sleep!!!)

*smile for me love//

*you.