I watched the walls around me crumble
But it's not like I won't build them up again

so quickly, half a year has past. its been crazy. reminds me too much of my sec 3 days.

so much shit has happened, so many ups and downs, so many lies, bullshit, and whatnots. but at the same time, there has been good things. many memories, memories i won't ever want to forget. and you.

honestly, its been crazy, and i guess everyone is tired of everything. and i'm really sorry. i don't know if i'll walk away from this regretting everything that has happened. but somehow, i guess i'll pull myself together and make it through. letting go has never been easy, but all things come to an end, whether good or bad, and i have to accept that fact.

its only been 6 weeks, but it feels like forever. so many many many things have happened during this 6 weeks. perhaps more bad than good. perhaps from the beginning i already knew i had to let go, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it. a part of me knew the truth, behind everything that you said and did, but i couldn't bring myself to face up to it, accept it, and walk away. a part of me knew that you cared, but you didn't feel the same way as i did, and you were just accomodating me, especially after my hospital incident. a part of me knew that if i didn't let it go then, i would fall deeper and only be hurt more. despite knowing all this, despite everyone telling me i should just walk away, that its not worth it, that i'm lying to myself, i just couldn't bring myself to let go.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for that. for holding on to you, when all you wanted to do was break free. for not letting you go, for clinging on to something that wasn't there. for all my moodswings, my tears, for the paracetamol overdose, for the cutting, for the complaining, the whining, the trouble, the complications, for bringing everyone else into this problem. i'm sorry for dragging this on for longer than it should have been. for not ending it when i should have.

but i guess what i don't understand is why you just couldn't have told it to me face to face. or over the phone. or something. not an sms at 4am in the morning. sigh. so abruptly. just one goodbye. like that. you know, i really wanted to talk to you before you went ken's place. i don't care what the outcome was, it most probably would have been the same outcome, but i just wanted to be able to hear it from your mouth, and to at least settle everything once and for all, just sort out everything once and for all, to make some sense of the past six weeks, and even if the ending would not have been what i wanted, at least i would have had one last good talk with you, at least it would have been closure. and i guess i really wanted to hear the truth from you too. but. well. what's done is done.

i won't forget. the days at sentosa. katong ktv. darenight. moonwatching at your condo. looking for stars at my place. your 7/11 "friends". white grape with aloe vera juice. mash potato. dotA at my house. driving around looking for nice houses in siglap. watching the sun rise. shopping and you carrying my bags. cine arcade para-ing. walking from gardens to paya lebar. your swollen cheeks. mas-ayu. you bringing me breakfast when i was in cgh. and. just being with you. holding your hand. hugging you. being in your arms. your smile, your eyes, your kisses, your laughter, your cuteness, just you.

for all that, thank you. for all the memories i'll have, thank you.

i hope. we can remain. friends. good friends maybe.

goodbye to everything that has happened. right now, i guess, i just have to concentrate on school, friends, family, and maybe even get a job so that time will pass quicker.

I won't be the one to chase you
But at the same time
You're the heart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
And the more I try to feel, the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I'm dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it's over
Cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if were not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go, yeah, I'll be the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know