it is 9:30am. and i have been in school since 8plus. reason being, i came to school early to touch up on lcom presentations. everyone asked why i was in school today, shouldn't i be grieving or something, but i got siti to help me ask the general office yesterday, and they apparently told her it was only one day off for death of family members. er. right. so here i am. in school. woke up bright and early. and then. guess what. rahmat and ryan comes in, and me and siti find out. that. all lcom presentations are cancelled today. lcom has been rescheduled to friday morning. so wonderful. just wonderful. so classes are cancelled today. wonderful. so if anyone is planning to stay on for spastic CSA lecture, its at 1pm. wonderful. i woke up nice and early for nothing. everyone is walking in one by one into the lab and we are slowly breaking the news to them. :) so fun to see their reactions. haha. everyone is deciding whether to wait four hours for next class. :)

i'm really tired. really. i just feel so drained. i hate this feeling. but i just can't help it. i just don't know anymore. someone tell me what to do. please.
if you say yes. if things are meant to be. then effort has to be put in right. i mean like some sort of effort has to be put in. i suppose. or something. things need to be worked out. built up. something special doesn't just happen overnight. you don't just fast forward to the future and zap like that, everything is perfect.
maybe. i feel too much. maybe.

should i stop then? i shouldn't bother so much or care so much or worry so much. then it won't get to me so much. then i won't hurt so bad. then those tears won't fall and all that blood won't drip.

what am i holding on for. is there anything to be holding on to. if there is, tell me. wait. don't just tell me. show me. actions speak louder than words.

empty words. promises. things said. but never done.

waiting. for nothing.

i guess i'm just being a super bitch again.