sigh. i have so many tutorials to do. i didn't go school today again. my nose is still as blocked. my cough is worse. and now i have phelgm. i think i'll pop by school later to get my stuff from my classmate. i need to get my tutorials for tmw's microecons and principles of management. sigh.

i've been staying over at his place alot. but now that school's started for him as well, it won't be happening so often anymore. maybe only on saturdays.

school. i've got classes till like four-five everyday. him too. sigh. we won't be meeting so often already. i'm scared that we'll drift apart. i'm scared he'll be too busy. he's got school. he's got bowling. he's got the shop to tend to. he's got training and coaching. and he's got to study. somehow i'll only get to be scheduled in between all that. sigh. when i'm with him, he makes me feel so important, so wanted, that he truly loves me. But sometimes i feel that something's just not there, we're not as close as we can be, i know its unfair to him for me to feel this way, but i just can't help it. i know its selfish of me, but i can't help it either. i've fallen madly in love with him and i can't stop. i've never felt so strongly about someone before, or so serious before. terence, queenie, howie, daren, etc, all these people, i've never felt so serious with, i've never felt that i really want to spend my life with them, or that i really see myself with them forever, or for a really long time. but for him, i feel that maybe he could be the one. I’m not talking about marriage as I know we’re still young, but i can see him as the person i would like to wake up every morning next to. as someone i could really love all my life, as someone i would give up everything for. i know the adults always say its young love, you kids don't know anything about true love, about marriage and all that crap. i guess they're right, and even if we are not meant to be life partners, and i can't be with him forever, i really want to be with him for as long as possible, for a very very very long time, if only forever.

that's why i'm scared now. scared we'll drift apart. scared that slowly really slowly, we won't be as loving anymore. that i'll fade from his heart, from his mind, from his life. i want him to be mine forever. and me to be his forever. its selfish of me. but well. love is selfish. i don't want us to drift apart, i don't want us to slowly fade away. i'm scared cause i know that if he's busy with this and that, i know i'll feel neglected. i know i'm supposed to understand and everything, and i guess i'll be busy too, but you just can't help but feel this way. i love him so much. i guess the problem is not that he won't have time for me or anything, i guess its just cause he stays at one end and i stay at the other, and his school is at one end, and i at the other end. if we were neighbours, it would be so easy to meet, to go out, even if it was just for a few hours. it would be easier to go home together and to school or from school. now i wish i had gotten my second choice. business studies at ngee ann. it would be far for me to travel and all that, just like mgs, but i'm willing to make that sacrifice, just cause i wanna spend more time with him. every second, every minute with him is so precious. and i just can't bear to leave. sigh.

forgive me if i sound like the hopeless romantic here. haha. but I can’t help it cause I love him too much. he's the love of my life. :)

all my life
i prayed for someone like you
and i thank God that i
that i finally found you

you could be the one