well. okae. i already wrote about the town part in the previous entry.

anyway. okae. i met eunice... then popped by my sis work place. i was trying to decide who to meet after she left to meet her fren. was supposed to meet winnie... but we decided to meet at monks instead. eunice decided to call xp n meet her n bess n far east. but by the time they reached. xp changed and it was like time for her to go to work le. haha. eunice's fren hadn't come yet... so two of us stood with bessy waiting at far east. bessy was meeting her fren for dinner... so i was like calling ivan n winnie. trying to decide where to go. i was in quite a bad mood la. actually felt like going home and not clubbing instead... msged winnie... she asked me wad happen... asked me to go meet her at heeren... so decided to go there. first bought fag. desperately needed it. bought drinks for eunice as well. she was going drinking with her classmates at esplanade.

went to heeren. winnie was taking photos with pui cheng... so sat at spinelli talking to calvin first. we were both in that lovesick mood! haha. we were complaining to each other. we both wanted the free flow at monks!! winnie came back... and we sat there awhile... saw bessy n her fren walk past... i realised todae who she had dinner with. i was wondering if it was her. i thot it was her. i had a feeling it was her. i just knew it. and i was right. anyway. me n calvin really wanted to drink. so we decided to go down to monks early to get the free flow. it was quite empty still. bought sub zero. went in. bourbon n vodka n fosters free flow! haha. calvin ask me to get a triple bourbon... the guy gave me a single bourbon... dry. with nothing else. it was wow. haha. cool. loved it. reminded me of those times when i went clara's house and we would drink her father's whiskey. dry. with ice la. cool. anyway. calvin went n got bourbon with coke. then we had fosters beer. i dun really like beer but i thot it was not bad. haha. then had vodka sprite... and my subzero... and some bacardi... i tink i cld feel the kick coming in after awhile. but it went away quite fast la. but i was still very red. haha. fagged. marie didnt want to come down. she was scared i wld get drunk. actually i was planning on getting drunk. anyway. she got worried n decided to come down. haha. and eunice... this gurl. was worried as well. she didnt want to come down as well. she went n called bessy. n told her dunno what. and then bessy called. and told me to stop drinking. and i was quite upset. i was like why the fuck do u care... and hung up on her... calvin was like trying to comfort me... she was like dun cry dun cry. haha. told me not worth my time... so i was like okae. calm down. went back in with her. and drank some more bourbon. :)

bessy msged. told me to meet her at the mrt. calvin n winnie was like she's the bung ur the passive ask her to come la why must u go... but winnie said i shld tok to her. so. winnie called her. ask her to come down. winnie said she'll walk me there... anyway. she arrived. winnie walked me there. she was waiting outside the indian restaurant there. winnie told me just to tok to her... later come find her. ya. so. we didnt really tok alot la. i cried... sigh. anyway marie had come down in the meantime and she was waiting for me. winnie came to find me told me marie was waiting. i went to tok to marie... n winnie tokked to bess. marie cldnt stay long had to rush off... so me n puicheng walked her to the busstop. my darling so caring. came down just to make sure i was okae. thanks gurl. sorry for making u come down. anyway. we waited for the bus with her. pui cheng was a little high i tink. haha. she was saying dun cut over [her]... if i want to cut myself, i should cut over marie or her cos she loves me n marie.. haha. she's such a darling. and then winnie came n told me bess had to rush off le. her mom was scolding. at that moment marie's bus came too. haha. anyway. walked bessy to the road... she took a cab back. felt really bad cos her mom was angry.. *sorry.

walked back to monks. saw anne... cindy.. jovin.. xiaoping had come down after work. went toilet... winnie n per were stripping. haha. they were like one hour in ur bikinis la. haha. i refused to take out my shirt. i was wearing a tube inside. poor puicheng too. haha. went into monks. on the stage. me n pui cheng got out shirts forced off. haha. we were like hiding at the back. winnie was like dance on the dance floor... i was like no way mannnn. so embarrassing. i haf no figure whatsoever. saw ryan and her darling. haha. she came down after work as well. we danced for quite awhile. then we decided to go get water. we put our shirts back on first! haha. finally. haha. oh ya. my fag disappeared!! left it with someone to look after... and then when i came back it was like dunno go where... bahhhh!!! my new packkk. i tink i had like 8sticks only??? stupiak. anyway. went back in after awhile. they started playing house... so we went to get some water n food from 7eleven... after awhile they started playing r&b agen so we went back in... stayed all the way till closing at four. sat awhile at golden cafe. the hor fun was quite nice. haha. it was full of monks pple... cos only monks open till 4am ma. there were like no cabs left as well? haha. reached home like near 5am. had a really bad headache. due to the fact that i had no sleep the night before. and the alcohol. plus i was still sick. and i didnt take medicine cos i cant take medication n alcohol together what. ya. reached home. SLEEP! haha.

i tink i should be staying home today. im flat broke. as in serious. really serious. i shld declare myself bankrupt. i tink i haf like $3.20. for the rest of the month. until i get my next pay. which is i dunno when. which is like peanuts thats for sure. seeing how little days cartel rosters their part timers. anyway. marie n i were complaining about how broke we are!! haha. i wonder if the bank can provide personal loans... hahahaa. im not looking forward to work tomorrow. i hate that placeeeee. argh. i wish i cld quit. and not work. but. there will be no cash flow. and my mom will kill me. yes. so u see. i cant quit. until i find another job. so yes. argh. sighhh. boring... bah.

[marie darling.] just read ur entry for me... thanks gurl. sorry for making you come down... thanks for caring darling. ur such a sweetie. i guess sometimes love isn't fair is it... sigh. miss u gurl.

[eunice sweetie]thanks darling for caring too. :) love ya gurl.

thanks to all my frens yesterdae for caring and worrying about me. sorry for making ya guys worry. y'all so sweet. love u pple.

[*you.] why did u come? why did u care? sigh. u kept asking me why i was being like that. when was i going to stop drinking smoking cutting. i said why did it matter. why should it matter. i asked you. if first time was a mistake. then what was the 2nd time. u mean u make the same mistake twice? and u said. that u never said it was a mistake. it cld happen a 3rd 4th 5th time. and it still wldnt be a mistake. i asked u what it was. and u didnt answer me. i wanted to noe. i wanted u to tell me something. anything. cos im like this fucking fool. not knowing anything. not knowing if im being played. not knowing if im just being led on. not knowing what im waiting for. not knowing if there's anything to wait for. not knowing the truth. u asked me if i cut myself again. i said it didnt matter. why do u care anyway. u kept asking me to say something. all i could do was cry. all my emotions. all bottle up inside. i couldn't express it. i couldn't say what i felt. all i could do was just cry. everything i felt. was in those tears. i wanted so much to hug you. i wished so much that you would lend me your shoulder to cry on. but you didn't... you didn't... when we were waiting for the cab... i wanted so much to hug you before u left... to tell you that i love you so much... that it didn't matter how you felt... that i'll be here waiting till you were ready... till you were over her... that no matter how long you took... that i'll be waiting... that i'll always be here... but i couldn't... something held me back... i was afraid... afraid of what you would do or say... afraid of being pushed away... afraid of being a fool... i didn't have the guts to tell you how i felt inside. winnie told me u said u didnt know how to express how u felt to me... and she told me tt u still like ur ex... i know... she said i should give you time... to me... time does not matter. i could wait years. i could wait a lifetime. it doesn't matter to me. becos. when i really love someone. i love them with my whole heart. i love them so deeply. i fall hard. and it will take me forever to get over that person. so to me, its not about how long i haf to wait... becos if u ask me to get over you, i will take forever. so basically i can wait. i can continue waiting and waiting. but what i need to know, is that am i waiting for nothing? am i waiting like a fool? is there anything to wait for? if there is even the slightest glimmer of hope, i'll wait. but if there isn't... then what's the point right... u must as well tell me now... that is what i need to know... it doesn't matter that u still like ur ex... it doesn't matter how long you'll take... what matters... is whether there's something to wait for. that's what i wanted you to tell me. that's what i wanted to ask. that's what i needed to hear... but i just couldn't bring myself to say it... i just didn't know how to... i was afraid... im afraid of rejection... afraid of being hurt... i wish i could tell you i love you... i wish... sigh. every tear. is for you. but do you know? will you ever know? i love you too much to let go. so much has happened between us already. how can i let go so easily? i cant gurl. i cant. this feeling is too strong. i just cant deny it. i cant fight it. i try to push it away. to ignore it. but i cant gurl. i cant. i cant deny the fact that i've fallen. for you.

if she only knew - 98degrees
If she only knew
What I knew but couldn't say
If she could just see

The part of me that I hid away
If I could just hold her in my arms again
And just say I love you
But she's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew

If she could just feel
What I feel here in my heart
She'd know it was real
Pure and true right from the start
But I'm just a man who didn't understand
What she was going through
But she's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew

And how, how did I let her get away
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah
'Cause love, love is so easy to feel
But the hardest thing to say

If she could just see (see)
What I see when I close my eyes (close my eyes)
All that I dream (dream)
Surely she would realize
But like a fool I waited much too long
To let her know the truth
She's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew

Won't you tell me, tell me
How, how did I let her get away (tell me)
'Cause I guess that love
Love is so easy to feel
But the hardest thing to say
Say, say, say, say

If she only knew
What I knew but could not say
If she could just see
The part of me that I hid away
If I could just hold her in my arms again
And just say I love you, I love you
She's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew, if she only knew
Maybe she'd stay but she ran away
Why she had to go away
'Cause of what I didn't say
Don't know what to do
oh God how I wish that she knew