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[denise*][str8/bi/p]
[dob:23/06][blackrose][#17]
[exmgsbowler][tplawgraduate]
The current mood of blackwhite at www.imood.com
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tingshan © <33
Sunday, May 02, 2004
3:37 pm

im living life in a daze now. but i gotta be strong. denise. be strong. u can be strong. u gotta pick urself up. ur gonna make it thru just fine. sure there'll be scars. sure it'll take time. but u can do it. no matter how long its gonna take. days months years. ur gonna pull thru eventually. its gonna be a rough ride. its gonna be bumpy. there will be tears shed. there will be pain. there will be the alcohol and the nicotine. there will be all the blood. but eventually. ur gonna make it thru. bruised, hurt, torn, shattered. but one day, you're gonna come out of it, healed. strong. anew. yes your heart will hurt like crazy. yes everyone will tell you you can do it, get over her, u can pull thru, we're here for you, but deep down inside, its gonna hurt like fuck. but yes denise. its not that difficult right? right... one day, you'll look back. there'll be those memories, but you're gonna be fine. u can do it gurl. u can do it. u can make it through.

FUCK. who the hell am i kidding???!!!! IF ONLY IT WAS THAT FUCKING EASY. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. if only life was that simple and love was that easy. if only everything was easier DONE THAN SAID. so what is it that i'm supposed to be feeling now? who the fuck can tell me. what the fuck. argh. u noe. i fucking dun care who reads this diary anymore. the last time round, u guys read my diary, totally trashed my guestbook, insulted me n my frens, when it had fucking nothing to do with you and it was fucking my business what i wanted to write or not. and whatever i wrote was what i saw with my own fucking eyes and not like i fucking made it up or anything. but dunno who the fuck got so fucking offended rite. sheesh. whatever. now. so if you fucking dun like what i write here then fucking dun read the fucking diary just fucking leave me alone and keep your fucking comments to your fucking self thank you very much. whatever. this time round im not going to fucking care anymore... so im just going to leave this open... and not fucking care already. why should i lock it. yup. so whatever man. WHATEVER.

anyway. im at my ben di's house now. last night or more like this morning.. had like one hour of sleep. woke up at 8plus. refused to get up. stayed in bed till about nine. went to church like when it was going to end. late as usual. then slack around in church. couldnt decide what to do. finally decided to follow ben back to his place and slack. so im now here. online. i had instant noodles. so far. i've fagged four sticks of reds. cool. and i wld be drinking his absolut vodka now if it wasnt for the fact that i took my medicine this morning! and i still have yet to call cartel to tell them i wun be going to work (which is supposed to be in 2hours) and tell them im quitting as well. cool. woo whee. lalala. i'll figure something out soon. hahaha. i should call them soon right? haha.

*i don't know what it is that makes me feel like this i don't know who you are but you must be some kind of superstar] i love that song. cool.

sigh. i don't know anything anymore. no one tells me anything these days. isn't amazing how u can just link and link and link and end up reading stuff. and finding out u noe pple who noe pple that u noe... its so amazing how small this lesbian community is isn't it... this ex knows that ex... or is with that ex... or whatever. lalalala. i don't know and i don't care alreadyyyyyyyyyyy. im just gonna be like whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. who caresssssss. whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. argh. happy happy whee. woo whee. yippee . fuck. i wish i was still back in sec1. life was carefree. easy. innocent. nothing to worry about. life was simple. sigh. i wish. those were the days. damn it i wish school would faster start. yes u must all think im crazy now. but actually im running out of things to do. town is getting really boring already. and like wad else is there to do right???!!! and like having 6mths of holidae makes u really really damn fucking broke u know????!!! at least if u go to school.. i'll get an allowance, but i wun spend so much cos i'll be in school not in town right? haha. and i can keep myself busy with school stuff. but now the only thing there is to do is go out??????!!!!! haha. arghhhh. so long more. i still gotta get thru may n june. hahaha. sighh. oh well. whatever. slacker. bah. who gives a fuck man. lallalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. sigh. at least i'll have school work to keep myself busy with and not have to tink about other stuff and get depressed... right... can keep myself busy.... busy.... busy.... yep. yep. yep.

okae. im just gonna. like chill. cool. calm. yeas. cool. yup. relax.



;i am afraid