<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/8062450?origin\x3dhttp://explicitaffair.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
&.me

[denise*][str8/bi/p]
[dob:23/06][blackrose][#17]
[exmgsbowler][tplawgraduate]
The current mood of blackwhite at www.imood.com
myfridae
myfriendster I
myfriendster II
myphotos
myxanga

&.wishlist

fetishes+
you, my love
black
pointy shoes
button shirts

wants+
*only what i cannot have.


&.links



&.tagb





&. creds
vintageGLITTER
-br0kennsmiile;
mr. photoshop(:

tingshan © <33
Sunday, May 02, 2004
1:06 am

i know what i must do. i've decided. im not going to take this anymore. i feel like such an idiot you know? i guess i am such an idiot. well. basically. you. im going to leave you alone. im not going to. bug you. call you. msg you. disturb you. trouble you. care about you. bother you. i'll try not to love you. im going to exit myself from your life. but. i tink i was never part of it anyway. i was a fool. i was blind. i was stupid. i still am. after yesterday. i knew. i could sense it. i knew that i had to leave. if ever u have something to say. u noe how to find me. u shouldnt have come yesterdae. u shouldnt have. but at least now i noe the truth. u can continue on loving her. it doesnt matter to me already. i'll just take it as i was being played. thats all. no big deal. i'll never be good enough. i'll never be your type. im not the beach babe sporty gurl whatever thing. im not pretty enough thin enough. whatever. i knew that a long time ago. it doesnt matter to me already. i should have known. u only told her the minor details. becos u still wanted a chance with her. so basically. im the stupid idiot. omg im such a fucking fool. ur such a fucking good liar u know. how could i have been so stupid. i must have seemed so stupid yesterdae... i cant believe this... so u're gonna hate me. you're gonna hate me for ruining your chance with her. i don't care. i don't care already. u can hate me or whatever. learn to tell the truth next time.

i'm just not going to care anymore. i noe my heart hurts like fuck. but there's nothing more i can do. and there's nothing more i'm going to do. it'll be endless nights of drinking. smoking. crying. screaming. days may turn into months... months into years. but eventually. one day. i'll be strong. and. anew. one day. everyone says now its easier for you to get over her cause you noe the truth. it hurts but at least now u noe right? i wish it was that easy. i wish it was that easy to hate her. but it just hurts even more.

all that fucking shit about it being not a mistake? why the fuck. all fucking lies. its one sided what right? isnt that what u said to her? im such a fucking fool man. to tink i actually thot there was something. sheesh. fuck you. u can go fuck the wall for all i care. u fucking deserve all this fucking shit. damn you.

i hate myself for falling for you. hate you for doing this to me. im so fucking stupid. fuck fuck fuck. was i like a standby or something? in case ur plans didnt work out? u tell her that theres nothing? so u still haf a chance with her. but yet, u tell me that it wasnt a mistake and that it can happen again but it still won't be a mistake? what the fuck? what fucking games were u playing? to tink i actually thot u werent a player and even told my friends your not one when everyone keeps telling me that you're one. whatever.

i wish i could hate you. i wish i could. but i love you too much. and i've never felt so stupid. part of me feels so angry... my head says get over you... but my heart just cant let go. i wish it was that easy. my heart is denying everything that i see and hear... tell me its not true... i wish it wasn't... i cant get angry at you... i cant hate you... im sorry... sorry for making things so messy. for being the third party. for ruining your chance. for getting in the way. for ever knowing you. for making things so complicated. why cant u just scold me. tell me u hate me. get angry at me. then i'll feel better. say something... sorry. i'll just leave now... and make life less messy for you... if u ever have anything to say... come find me... that's all... its dangerous to have anything with nicotine, alcohol, or anything sharp near me now.

[have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry]



;i am afraid