isn't that sentence true in more ways than one? u can't expect to receive and receive and receive if you don't give or put in any effort. how can you expect anything in return if you yourself don't try? a relationship isn't just about yourself. its about two people. when you're single, its all about yourself, all about you and friends, family. but when you love someone, and you let that someone enter your life, well, you gotta remember that that someone is now part of your life. its no longer about you. its about sharing, commitment, compromise, trust, communication, respect, love, so on and so forth. you don't let that someone share only certain parts of your life. its about every aspect of you. its not just when you're bored, or have nothing else to do, or you suddenly need someone beside you. then you must as well just get a part-time stead. or how about just not get a stead and just have flings? that way you won't have to bother about commitment, time, effort or anything whatsoever. you don't have to give anything at all. won't your life be so much better that way? i mean what's the point of having a special someone in your life if you don't even care? what's the point of loving someone, and telling that someone you love her if you don't show it? if you don't put in time and effort to make it work? i mean, when u let someone into your life, i'm sure that someone would want to share your life with you, to be part of your life, not to be left out?!! not to be totally clueless on what's going on in your life??!! to be included only when you have a space in your busy schedule or when your friends are not free???!! i'm sure she would want to know what you're doing, who your friends are, where you're hanging out, little bits and pieces of your life, and not to simply be informed after its all over??!! i'm sure she would like to be there for you, to be part of you, and share her life with you as well. and what's a relationship if you don't spent time together? then you must as well just find a stead who's living in the US or something. being in a relationship is different from being single. its no longer "bachelorhood". its not like as though you cant go out with your friends, or "hang out with the guys" or do your guy things anymore. its not like as though you cant have time to yourself anymore. if you didn't, then that would just be downright possessive. you can still do all those. but there are a little changes you gotta make. you gotta remember there's someone else there. there's someone else who loves you. and whom you love, (i presume). you gotta remember that there's someone else there who wants to know about what's going on in your life. she doesn't have to follow you everywhere like some dog, but she just wants to know. afterall, she IS your gf isn't she? i know of people that when you ask them where their stead is, they're like dunno? why never meet? dunno? what they doing? dunno? who they out with? dunno? how come dunno? dunno? she's ur stead leh! dunno? i find that those kind of relationships are like. stagnant. no status. whatever. its like both parties dun care or something. its like there's no effort being put in. i mean, that special someone is part of your life right???!!! i mean there must be some reason why you choose to share it with that person right??!!! whatever. maybe im just talking rubbish. just ignore me. and stop reading here if you completely disagree. you know. after awhile. if the other party has to just keep giving and giving and not receive anything in return, she's gonna get tired. and she's just gonna leave. you cant expect her to just keep trying and trying when you yourself don't even try or bother. you can't expect her to just wait there forever until you finally decide that you can remember what its like to be attached. you cant expect her to wait there until you remember that you have a gf. you cant expect her to wait there until you decide you're free cos all ur frens are busy. you cant expect her just to wait there for you to call or msg when you finally have the time after spending the whole day out with your friends! she'll wait oh ya sure she will. but after awhile. she's gonna get sick of waiting. and leave. what's the point of waiting and waiting and giving and giving for nothing? then she must as well just find someone else or go and have a few flings which don't need any commitment whatsoever!!!!!!! then you must as well just tell her, why don't we have a part-time relationship. when im free, i'll call you. i'll go have my fun and everything. you can go have your fun too. when i'm free, i'll call you and let you know. so you won't schedule any dates for that certain time. isn't that so much better? then the poor girl won't have to wait there forever just for you!!!!!!!!!!! and get tired!!!!!!! and feel fucking unwanted!!!!!!!! and commit and give everything and not get anything in return!!!!!! at least this way, she won't give, won't expect anything, and won't be hurt. or upset.

what the hell. whatever. why the hell am i rambling on and on for???? guys are so fucking clueless and insensitive anyway. u can tell it to them straight in the face and they still won't get it. or do anything about it. FUCK. WHATEVER. i now remember why i fucking turned crooked. fuck. i should just turn back passive la. fuck la. i decided that if i turned straight it would be for something serious, not like playing or anything. or else what the point right? must as well remain crook. well. after 2years of being crooked. and now. going back to being straight. its just been fucking disappointing. its just been fucking tiring. well. so far. i give up on both guys and girls. i don't care already. i'm just going to go like kill myself now. or something. fuck. God should just make us emotionless. so we won't have to feel sad. or hurt. or expect something and be disappointed when we don't get anything. or get upset. or angry. or depressed. or the cause of it all, to love. then we won't fall in and out of love. then we won't be hurt. right? simple. that's all.

i don't know what im supposed to do now. am i supposed to just keep on loving? just continue on like this? until i drain myself out? someone please tell what im supposed to do. that's all. i have nothing left to say already. argh. and my fucking mother wants to use the fucking computer to talk to some fucking guy whats her fucking problem la. fuck la. everything's just screwed up la. just go be a fucking prostitute la. like my fucking father la. a fucking gigolo too la. fuck la. whatever fuck la. this whole fucking "family" is just fucking fucked up i should just fucking run away. or die. or something. FUCK.